e.m.claytor

Creative expression is therapeutic and healing because it involves the inner work – it brings the unconscious to light. You can work through unhealthy and false beliefs simply by creating.  Creating brings new life.  New beliefs.  It’s cathartic. It’s important work.

On Tuesday, I released my first collection of poetry, Impostor, Impostor (an obvious nod to “Impostor Syndrome”). It’s a strange feeling releasing a book into the wild.  Creating is an act of vulnerability and inner work. Publishing your creation is like putting your vulnerability and inner work on display – and is even more vulnerable. 

I have written poetry for as long as I can remember. I write to process. I write to express. I write to live. It is a necessary part of living for me.  Outside of publishing some pieces in college and more recently posting some pieces online, I have kept much of my work private. And for the primary reason of feeling too vulnerable.  The risk of rejection.  The risk of putting your naked soul on display for the judgment of the world. 

I’ve done so much work in the last couple of years undoing these blocks, finding value in my voice, and finding courage in putting myself out there.  It is an absolute act of bravery to create.  And it’s important that we do create. Even if not for publication – creating is an innate part of being human. We have creative power inside that we are burying and disowning, and it is spiritually draining.

Creative expression is therapeutic and healing because it involves the inner work – it brings the unconscious to light. You can work through unhealthy and false beliefs simply by creating.  Creating brings new life.  New beliefs.  It’s cathartic. It’s important work.

And this is my hope for Impostor, Impostor – that it will be a creative spark for every person who reads it. That it will bring with it the courage to create and the courage to be vulnerable.  That it will empower others to speak, to write, to create and know that their voices matter. Your voice has value. Creating is your birthright.

I wrote many of the poems in Impostor, Impostor between 2015 and 2016.  During that time, poetry was absolutely pouring out of my fingertips. I was doing a lot of inner work around finding value in my own voice. Anyone who knows me knows that I have always been shy. I don’t typically speak up.  I don’t typically share my opinions.  And I was working through the beliefs that my voice doesn’t matter and that I have to avoid conflict and vulnerability.  The poetry in this collection documents that internal process.

Last year, I began sorting through poems to compile into my first collection, and that process took on its own form of creation.  When you arrange your poetry, the order matters.  One poem can change the meaning or expand the meaning of the poem next to it.  What I discovered when I arranged these was a parallel between the struggle I experience as a female and the struggle I experience as an artist.  The struggle of feeling like my voice matters.  The feeling that I should hold back parts of who I am and suppress them. The belief that I should remain quiet, composed, lady-like, and that I need to uphold an image of composure in order to be accepted.  I was amazed how simply arranging the poems brought up this entirely new insight – and it brought even more healing. 

I’m excited that this is my first book. I have another collection I’m working on now, and I have a book on creativity that I’m hoping to finish before my next adventure (could it be PhD work?  We’ll see.). 

I mentioned in my social media posts that this book is available on Amazon as a paperback and as a Kindle eBook. It is also available here to read as a PDF. My goal is for this book to be accessible regardless of financial constraints or preferred platform. Personally, I’m partial to holding a book in my hands. It just seems to digest differently when looking at paper. I’ve priced it as low as I’m allowed (just over $5.00).  Because again – profit isn’t the goal with this book.  The goal is to send out a message, to empower others to create and to speak. 

Please let me know if you’ve purchased or read the book.  Leave me a review on Amazon.  Share it on social media and with people who may like it. Tell me what your favorite poem is.  Tell me what spoke to you. And if it doesn’t speak to you – that’s okay, too.  

Impostor, Impostor 

Each word feels judged
Before it is born
What will be thought of us?
Words from the hand of a
Poet(ess), they scoff
Who does she think she is?

Who do I think I am?

If my art, my words, my musings
Are without worth and value –
Am I, too, worthless?
Am I my thoughts?
Am I my art?
Art that is so harshly judged
By haughty standards of technique & form
Just as my body is held to
Standards that remove the beauty of
Truth and life.