Calling – e.m.claytor

Category: Calling

Follow What Energizes You: Spiral Path to PhD

Posted on March 11, 2020March 11, 2020 by EMC

Yesterday, I found out that I’ve been accepted into the only PhD program I was remotely interested in. I knew when I was still getting my masters degree in counseling that I wanted to get my doctorate, and I even knew that I wanted to pursue something in the fields of depth psychology or consciousness studies. But once I graduated – like most students – I was ready to work in the field and rest my mind for a little while.

When I found out that I had been accepted, I was overwhelmed with emotions. I was excited, relieved, and confused. The reality that this is happening set in and a flood of fear and anxiety rushed in with it – where will we live? How will we make it? Will we be able to find an affordable place WITHOUT MOLD? Not gonna lie – this is one of my biggest fears.

But in the midst of this swirl of emotion, I’ve also been reflecting a lot on the journey that has brought me to this place at this time — spirals, career inventories, conferences, chance meetings. I love connecting the pieces in retrospect. Continue reading “Follow What Energizes You: Spiral Path to PhD” →

Nature Calling: Return to the Plant Path

Posted on February 5, 2020February 18, 2020 by EMC

“All that man needs for health and healing has been provided by God in nature; the challenge of science is to find it.” – Paracelsus

Since I’ve been out of work because of mold illness (find that story here), I have been surprisingly happy. Not just happy, but overwhelmingly happy and excited.

Now don’t get me wrong – I am definitely having moments of panic about paying bills because I for real have no income. It’s terrifying. But despite losing my house, my job, pretty much everything I own and still battling mold sickness, I am so happy.

In many ways it feels like I’m rediscovering me. I have a completed book of poetry that is nearing publication (Update: It’s here!). I am working to improve on guitar and have learned to finger pick (thank you, dear husband, for that lesson). And I have returned to my long-time love – herbal medicine – and it is filling my heart with so much life. Continue reading “Nature Calling: Return to the Plant Path” →

New Mexico, the Muse: Finding Creative Freedom in the Desert

Posted on April 15, 2019May 13, 2019 by EMC

“Don’t bend; don’t water it down; don’t try to make it logical; don’t edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.”

Anne Rice, about Franz Kafka

♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦

My heart ached for New Mexico this weekend. There’s a heartsickness I experience over that land like I’ve never experienced before. It’s what I feel when I’m away from my husband. It’s what I feel when I miss my family. It’s a feeling that’s hard to explain, but I can only describe as a grieving, deep-seated longing.

Since we’ve been back from New Mexico, the longing comes and goes. It doesn’t seem like it’s ever fully gone – but it just settles beneath the surface of the day-to-day demands. Life carries on as usual, but there’s a new dimension – a new thread – that has been woven into our existence.

I feel like I’ve been constantly processing the impact of our trip for months now. When we got home, we were met repeatedly with the question, “How was your trip?” and I found myself unable to put our experience into words. It wasn’t good or great or wonderful or exciting. It was… something else altogether. Continue reading “New Mexico, the Muse: Finding Creative Freedom in the Desert” →

Becoming the Writer: Overcoming Self-Limiting Beliefs and Moving Toward Purpose

Posted on April 8, 2019April 10, 2019 by EMC

“Whatever we plant in our subconscious mind and nourish with repetition and emotion will one day become a reality.” – Earl Nightingale

I can barely remember a time before the word “writer” was a part of my identity. I was watching Dick Van Dyke reruns on Nick at Nite when I was 6, and I realized that I wanted to be a writer – a “head writer” actually.

So, in school, when the teacher asked us the typical “What do you want to be when you grow up?” question, I responded proudly, “A Head Writer!” I’m fairly certain I was beaming. To my surprise, I was met with blank stares from both teacher and classmates.

“A what?? A head waiter?” This was obviously ridiculous – what was a head waiter anyway?

“No! A head WRITER.” Still – only blank stares.

Continue reading “Becoming the Writer: Overcoming Self-Limiting Beliefs and Moving Toward Purpose” →