Intuition – e.m.claytor

Category: Intuition

Follow What Energizes You: Spiral Path to PhD

Posted on March 11, 2020March 11, 2020 by EMC

Yesterday, I found out that I’ve been accepted into the only PhD program I was remotely interested in. I knew when I was still getting my masters degree in counseling that I wanted to get my doctorate, and I even knew that I wanted to pursue something in the fields of depth psychology or consciousness studies. But once I graduated – like most students – I was ready to work in the field and rest my mind for a little while.

When I found out that I had been accepted, I was overwhelmed with emotions. I was excited, relieved, and confused. The reality that this is happening set in and a flood of fear and anxiety rushed in with it – where will we live? How will we make it? Will we be able to find an affordable place WITHOUT MOLD? Not gonna lie – this is one of my biggest fears.

But in the midst of this swirl of emotion, I’ve also been reflecting a lot on the journey that has brought me to this place at this time — spirals, career inventories, conferences, chance meetings. I love connecting the pieces in retrospect. Continue reading “Follow What Energizes You: Spiral Path to PhD” →

Nature Calling: Return to the Plant Path

Posted on February 5, 2020February 18, 2020 by EMC

“All that man needs for health and healing has been provided by God in nature; the challenge of science is to find it.” – Paracelsus

Since I’ve been out of work because of mold illness (find that story here), I have been surprisingly happy. Not just happy, but overwhelmingly happy and excited.

Now don’t get me wrong – I am definitely having moments of panic about paying bills because I for real have no income. It’s terrifying. But despite losing my house, my job, pretty much everything I own and still battling mold sickness, I am so happy.

In many ways it feels like I’m rediscovering me. I have a completed book of poetry that is nearing publication (Update: It’s here!). I am working to improve on guitar and have learned to finger pick (thank you, dear husband, for that lesson). And I have returned to my long-time love – herbal medicine – and it is filling my heart with so much life. Continue reading “Nature Calling: Return to the Plant Path” →

New Mexico, the Muse: Finding Creative Freedom in the Desert

Posted on April 15, 2019May 13, 2019 by EMC

“Don’t bend; don’t water it down; don’t try to make it logical; don’t edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.”

Anne Rice, about Franz Kafka

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My heart ached for New Mexico this weekend. There’s a heartsickness I experience over that land like I’ve never experienced before. It’s what I feel when I’m away from my husband. It’s what I feel when I miss my family. It’s a feeling that’s hard to explain, but I can only describe as a grieving, deep-seated longing.

Since we’ve been back from New Mexico, the longing comes and goes. It doesn’t seem like it’s ever fully gone – but it just settles beneath the surface of the day-to-day demands. Life carries on as usual, but there’s a new dimension – a new thread – that has been woven into our existence.

I feel like I’ve been constantly processing the impact of our trip for months now. When we got home, we were met repeatedly with the question, “How was your trip?” and I found myself unable to put our experience into words. It wasn’t good or great or wonderful or exciting. It was… something else altogether. Continue reading “New Mexico, the Muse: Finding Creative Freedom in the Desert” →

Our New Mexico Story, Part 2: How a series of synchronicities led us to drive 3000 miles on pure faith

Posted on March 11, 2019March 12, 2019 by EMC

“When coincidences pile up in this way, one cannot help being impressed by them – for the greater the number of terms in such a series, or the more unusual its character, the more improbable it becomes.” –Carl Jung

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Read Part 1 here.

Once we made the decision to travel to New Mexico, the synchronicities continued to follow us. It was reassuring that we were on this path for a reason, but I still couldn’t figure out what that reason was. The next couple of months were a blur of mystery, confusion and excitement like I’ve never experienced.

I couldn’t sleep some nights – my mind ran in circles thinking about what lay ahead of us in New Mexico. I consumed all I could about the state. I looked at the cities we might want to visit. I planned our itinerary and adjusted it multiple times. I could hardly contain my excitement, and I was completely baffled because a few weeks earlier I knew nothing about New Mexico and had no desire to ever visit. But there I was – giddy and dreaming of my feet touching the dust of the high desert.

Continue reading “Our New Mexico Story, Part 2: How a series of synchronicities led us to drive 3000 miles on pure faith” →

Our New Mexico Story, Part 1: How a series of synchronicities led us to drive 3000 miles on pure faith

Posted on March 8, 2019March 9, 2019 by EMC

I wish that I had kept a more consistent journal of the strange happenings, the synchronicities, the bizarre “call”, that came over my husband and me in October 2018. So many other strange occurrences arose during this time that it was nearly impossible to keep up with them all. This is the abbreviated version of what I consider our “call to New Mexico”.

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In late September 2018, Daniel and I began watching Breaking Bad. I had never seen it before, and Daniel has been insistent for years that I watch it. I resisted because I felt that it would be too bloody or violent, but in a real sense, it also never felt like quite the right time. We have often joked that we end up watching something at just the time when we need to receive the message. Whether it’s a movie that we wanted to see at the theater but had been unable to spare time to go see it or TV shows that we wanted to watch but never got around to, it has often seemed that we receive something from it that we would have never gotten out of it had we watched it when we wanted to.

So, this last time when Daniel asked if I wanted to start Breaking Bad, I still felt that resistance and fear, but I caved and said “No, let’s do it. Let’s watch it.” After one episode, I was obviously hooked. It’s a phenomenal work of art. Throughout the first few episodes, I remember asking him where they were – and realizing it was set in Albuquerque, NM. This is not a place I’ve ever been to, desired to go or even given much thought to. However, as the show continued, I could certainly see the beauty surrounding the city, and I remember thinking I would like to visit ABQ at some point in my life.

Soon after, we began experiencing what we call “synchronicities” – strange occurrences that feel divinely ordered. Continue reading “Our New Mexico Story, Part 1: How a series of synchronicities led us to drive 3000 miles on pure faith” →