e.m.claytor

“All that man needs for health and healing has been provided by God in nature; the challenge of science is to find it.” – Paracelsus

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Since I’ve been out of work because of mold illness (find that story here), I have been surprisingly happy.  Not just happy, but overwhelmingly happy and excited.

Now don’t get me wrong – I am definitely having moments of panic about paying bills because I for real have no income. It’s terrifying. But despite losing my house, my job, pretty much everything I own and still battling mold sickness, I am so happy. 

In many ways it feels like I’m rediscovering me.  I have a completed book of poetry that is nearing publication (Update: It’s here!).  I am working to improve on guitar and have learned to finger pick (thank you, dear husband, for that lesson).  And I have returned to my long-time love – herbal medicine – and it is filling my heart with so much life.

I have started an online course in herbalism, and I’m connecting with the earth as often as possible to gather and identify plants.  Looking back, I can see that the plant path was calling to me while we were in New Mexico in December, and I didn’t even realize it. 

But I can also see it’s call as far back as childhood.

I was a head in the clouds kind of child (at least at home – at school I was a socially anxious perfectionist).  My brother likes to tell the story about us being late for school one morning. He and mom both were rushing me to get in the car, but I was trailing off into the yard saying, “Come here, little birdie, I won’t hurt you.”  No sense of time. I only wanted to be in nature where there’s no hurry.

I had a fantastic playhouse that was actually a tiny log cabin (previously a tree house that my dad somehow managed to take down and plop down in the front yard for me).  It had a wooden floor, tiny windows, and a fiberglass roof.  It rested under the trees in our front yard, and I spent afternoons, weekends and summers gathering rocks, dirt, weeds and creating whatever concoctions I could come up with. 

I imagined I lived in the woods hundreds of years ago. I made bowls out of clay.  I hunted for treasure (and am still very much obsessed with crystals and rocks).  I remember thinking that I could somehow create and discover a healing concoction that would be life changing. 

At one point, I found unique rocks, crushed them, mixed them with water, and poured the mixture into an empty Coca-Cola bottle. I shook it up several times and waited.  I put a label on the front – ROCK WATER – and stored it under the sink in the bathroom.  I went back to it several times during that year, shook it and observed it for any changes.  I felt like it would be a massive discovery. I never tasted it, thankfully (I wish I could say the same thing about the soap bar I took a bite out of during that time – huge MISTAKE) but the process of discovering healing properties in nature was thrilling.

Fast forward to age 21.  I was in college, and I was dealing with some strange physical symptoms – dizziness, nerve tingling in my legs, headaches, heart palpitations (geez, these sound familiar – hiya, mold), but the doctors brushed me off as “anxious”.  I figured out it was the aspartame in the Diet Dr. Peppers I guzzled ALL DAY LONG.  So I stopped. Weird symptoms went away – unless I inadvertently had aspartame and then they would return. 

That was a point when I started waking up nutritionally and began to do a lot of studying into the natural realm.  Fate brought me to a used bookstore that had just opened up in town (that would be a counseling practice/wellness center 10 years in the future where I would do my internships).  I found a book called “Green Pharmacy” and a few other books on herbs and natural remedies.  I consumed this information.  I started taking Red Raspberry Leaf for cramps. I found a tea blend for sinus issues. My entire life changed. My entire way of living changed.

After I graduated from my undergraduate work, I wanted to pursue a career in natural health in some capacity – as an herbalist or naturopathic physician.  I searched for programs, but I really had no idea what to look for.  Sometime later, fate led me into counseling – which is holistic in nature. It treats the whole person, looks at each person as an individual, and is based on the principles of unconditional positive regard and nonjudgmental acceptance.  It was as if all of the things I valued connected with the field of counseling — creativity, genuineness, empathy, intuition, and there was room for so much growth.

Recently, I worked as a career counselor, but the nature of that job in a university setting is far removed from nature and health. The values of self-care were absent. I was working a lot. I felt disconnected. 

I was also sick because of toxic mold, and that led me to doctor’s offices – a strange land for me.  And this was the path I was forced to take due to requirements of the job and documentation purposes. Fortunately, I found a physician who respects my way of healing. But the sickness I was experiencing was scary and unrelenting and mysterious.  I took medications in hopes that I would get relief just to be able to work.  But I experienced terrible side effects with no relief. I hit brick wall after brick wall until we found out it was mold.

In December, when we went to New Mexico, I was exhausted from nearly two months of sickness from mold re-exposure and toxic reactions to steroids and Cipro.  But when we got into nature out there, I could feel myself beginning to heal. After a month of being bedridden with tendonitis from the Cipro injury, I was actually able to hike nearly 3 miles at Tent Rocks — which was not planned and was definitely scary, but it showed me I could heal.

And this brings me back to the call I was experiencing in New Mexico that I didn’t even realize at the time. There are several events I look back on and can see were absolutely drawing me back to the herbal path.

During the first few days of the trip, I ran across a book called “Sacred Sage” at one of the national monuments we visited.  It was a short, simple book about sage – and its healing properties. I told Daniel I felt drawn to it for some reason.  He encouraged me to buy it, but I didn’t (because I knew I was not coming back home to a job).  A couple of days later, we saw it again in another shop, and I once again felt the draw to purchase it, but I didn’t.  However, the third time we ran across it – this time in a novelty gift shop – I said “OKAY, I GET IT.” As I started reading it, I remembered how much I love learning about plant chemistry and their healing components.  

That same day we stumbled upon an herb shop that had just opened in Old Town. I was giddy to have found this place. When I walked in, I felt instantly at home surrounded by herbs, crystals, botanical prints, beautiful natural artwork.  I felt so happy looking at the glass jars full of dried herbs and picking out the ones I would take home – frankincense resin and cramp bark.

Near the end of the trip when we hiked Tent Rocks, I found myself drawn to many of the plants and wishing I could identify them – so I took pictures of them to identify later.  Nature was subtly calling.

After we got back home, I took the cramp bark and sprinkled some of the herb in my bathwater. As I sat there with the bark floating in the water, I took the pieces and arranged them in a circle on my knee cap.  It was beautiful, and I felt incredibly happy (and relaxed).  I could feel the connection to nature, and I felt like I needed more.

I started thinking more about herbalism and had a strong desire to create tinctures and extracts. I talked to my mom about how I wanted to study herbs and create my own products.  She loves to grow plants. I am more into the plant chemistry, healing properties and spiritual connection.    

One afternoon as I was talking to mom about how I felt like this is something I should do, a tiny wren landed on the windowsill and started talking LOUDLY.  We walked to the window, and he looks right at us and keeps talking.  For 2 solid minutes.  Even the dog walked to the window and just listened. 

It felt like nature’s way of agreeing that this is part of the path for now.  Like that wren was delivering a loud and clear message to act on this passion.

And I have started.  That same day I came across an online course for herbalism.  I’m learning all kinds of complex words and really having to brush up on my chemistry.

I’m discovering that nature is even more amazing than I knew.  I could study herbalism for a lifetime and still not know it all.  There’s so much science to it, but it’s even more amazing that our ancestors and ancient peoples intuitively knew far more about the power of nature than we do. 

I don’t know where this path is leading me. And that’s okay.  What I know is that I am happy. I am enjoying learning. I’m enjoying this process.  I am reconnecting to nature and to that wild part of me that chased birds, searched for treasures, and had hope for creating healing elixirs in coke bottles.